


The Monster in the Mirror

by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: A Halloween one-shot for y'all, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambigous Ending, Angst, Dark Merlin (Merlin), Gen, Insanity, Lancelot is alive because he deserved better, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Not much tho, Some Humor, a brief look into, because everything else happening is so much worse somehow, it is like low key kinda a minor reveal tho, kinda creepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-15 07:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21249644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle/pseuds/CaffeinatedFlumadiddle
Summary: A strange mirror has made its way into Camelot. With claims of it being enchanted, Arthur is determined to lock it away as soon as possible. However, while knights and lords and servants have all seemed to be shocked and terrified by whatever visions the mirror presented…Merlin doesn’t seem to notice.Until he does.





	The Monster in the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Get locked out of my account for a solid week? You betcha. Sorry this Halloween-esque one-shot didn't make it on time, but you can still be mildly spooked. Not that Merlin was ever a spooky show...Aside from that one episode with Elyan and the ghost that left my child-self scared for days. I digress. Here's the one-shot now lol.

It had started out as a prank. A stupid, ridiculous, unnecessary prank.

In hindsight, Arthur really should have foreseen this ending badly. A girl had been found practicing magic in the midst of Camelot and try as he might, he could not find it in himself to slaughter her. She was only a child, ten at most, and was trying to heal a dying goat. Instead he banished her and her small family to find refuge in a kingdom that would tolerate their abilities. It had seemed fair at the time.

Before they left, Arthur demanded all their things be handed over in concern they could carry magic in them. They obliged, giving what little they had and in exchange Arthur allowed them food, money, and two horses to take with them. The last thing they had handed over to him was the mirror.

“Lock this away, but do not break it.” The mother advised him softly “It contains magic, and some of the worst kind. My father used it to ward of enemies in time of the Great Purge. It will not hurt you, unless it drives you mad.” She warned, voice wavering ever so slightly. Arthur frowned at the statement but nodded - watching carefully as her hands trembled as she watched the guards carry it away, eyes lowered when the reflection flicked back at them. "Thank you..." She breathed out. "Thank you for taking it."

Arthur had no idea how to react to that other than to heed her words.

The vaults down below were being expanded at the moment, so Arthur kept it turned towards the castle wall with guards surrounding it at all times. It was only when Gwaine mistook it for his own mirror one night while heavily drunk, that they learned what it did...Sort of, at least.

“You did that on _purpose_.” Gwaine accused, ignoring the amusement of his fellow knights. “What’s wrong with you lot?”

“I swear to you I had no idea.” Arthur smirked slightly, eying over the mirror with some skepticism. It was a large one, taller than him and trimmed with gold. Symbols adorned the sides, probably those of the Old Religion, according to Gaius who was scanning with thoughtfully.

“Gwaine,” The old man asked as he ran idle fingers down the frame “What exactly did you see again?” He asked and the knight turned bright red, mumbling something under his breath. Gaius raised an eyebrow, looking exasperated. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“_Cats_, alright?” Gwaine groaned as Elyan snickered quietly “Oh, shut up!”

“I see.” Gaius nodded “And are you sure this wasn’t the result of your intoxication?” He added innocently as Gwaine rolled his eyes with a saddened look.

“The only thing the mead did to me last night was think that barmaid was a lot prettier than she was.” He grumbled as Leon tsked at his friend in heavy disapproval. Gauis nodded, looking unfazed as he continued asking questions eventually leading up to Gwaine’s opinion on cats.

“Er… They’re alright, I suppose.” Gwaine squirmed looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable. He glared at the mirror again before cringing under all of their stares. “I mean, they are…. Are not… Well…”

“He’s terrified of them.” Percival spoke up as Gwaine let his mouth drop.

“_I am not!"_ He denied fiercely as the others chuckled when he leaned into the bigger knight “You said you wouldn’t tell! Some mate you are.” He snapped and Gaius allowed a satisfied glance to trace his fingers.

“Sir Lancelot.” He nodded to the next knight “Do you mind standing directly in front of the mirror and telling us what you see?” He asked and the man nodded, slipping in front of the reflection for a couple moments, his eyes widening. Arthur stiffened. Lancelot had faced far greater foe than some mirror...And yet, he had gone paler than the king had ever seen.

“Lancelot?” Elyan frowned when he went white “Hey, come on.” He said, jerking his friend away from the mirror and Lancelot’s eyes broke contact. “You, alright?” He demanded and the knight looked alarmed at seeing all of them suddenly there.

“Ah, yes.” He cleared his throat “Sorry… I… What I saw…” He shook his head “Arthur had just revoked my knighthood.” He explained and everyone went quiet. Eyes drifted to the old physician, silently demanding an explanation.

“This mirror,” Gaius nodded, “Will show a person’s fears - or at least some of them.” He spoke softly, placing a hand on Lancelot's shoulder “It will give you not harm physically, but be wary to have someone stand in front of it too long, sire. I expect the fears get worse the longer you around it.” Gaius warned and the knights looked curiously at the golden piece with newfound wariness.

“The woman said it was dangerous.” Arthur frowned and the physician pursed his lips “Exactly how powerful is it?”

“As powerful as the person in front of it is, I suppose. There were tales of mirrors such of this in the Great Purge. Sorcerers would sneak mirrors such as this into warriors’ chambers to frighten them before battle or drive them mad. I’ve never seen one in person, however.” He frowned “I suppose this should be fine to keep here until there is room in the vaults, sire.” Gaius finally said “The enchantment may be old so the effects will be lessened, perhaps.” He added thoughtfully and Arthur sighed when Gwaine perked up slightly.

This mirror was going to cause some mayhem, he just knew it.

* * *

Arthur knew he should have probably stopped them. It was childish, they all knew, but it was still somewhat enjoyable to place the mirror near his councilors' tables and hear the shriek over spiders or lost jewels. Servants would yell about ripped frabric or missing wages while some visiting royalty might cry over suddenly appearing old and ugly. A few times a serious fear would come out and Arthur would order it to be put away immediately, only to find Gwaine had snuck it out once again to get revenge on the cook for his small portions.

In the end, the new home for the mirror was with the knight’s armor to keep it from being seen from the general public. Before they suited up to practice they all amused themselves with daring each other to stand in front and tell them what they saw. This day, Arthur had called Merlin in as well. Their friend hadn’t a clue what the mirror did – having been visiting his mother when they found it and only recently came back. Everyone seemed riled up at the idea of Merlin looking over and shrieking over dirty socks of whatever it was that he worried about.

“You think this is a good idea?” Lancelot whispered when he saw the servant enter the room “What if he looks into the mirror?” He asked and Arthur snorted. Lancelot, as always, seemed to miss the point of a good hazing. Him and Leon both could be so high-strung at times. Elyan was smirking at the servant as the rest watched him eagerly when he started sorting through pieces of armor.

“Merlin? What fears does he have other than me giving him more clothes to launder?” The king scoffed and the knight frowned, looking concerned at the idea. Merlin, for his part, didn’t seem to notice all eyes on him as he walked around the room, tripping over shields.

“What the bloody hell is _that_?” The servant frowned when he saw the mirror leaning against a pile of old helmets “Arthur, there is no way I can get that up to your chambers.” He added as he stood in front. Everyone froze, looking for a reaction, but the younger man didn’t so much a blink. “Where did this thing come from, anyway?” He asked and Leon gaped slightly as did everyone else in the room.

“Merlin?” He asked “Didn’t…Don’t you see anything?” He asked and Merlin rose his eyebrows before turning back to the mirror with a critical glance.

“Hm...Oh! Ah, yes. I see it now.” He smirked at them all “I must have missed it the first time, but my reflection is still very much there.” He assured them all with a small laugh and handed Arthur his sword. “Have fun today.” He added, leaving the knights all to gawk as he exited the room. Gwaine walked in front of the mirror and grimaced a few seconds before stepping away. Percival made a questioning noise as the man edged away.

"...I just saw Elyan's eyes gouged out. I would say it still works." He said. Elyan made a face from where he was seated and leaned a bit further away from the mirror.

"Gaius must have told him," Lancelot said immediately. "So he wasn't startled." He pointed out. Gwaine let out a snort of approval, muttering under his breath that he knew Merlin was sly. Leon seemed just as amused by the idea that Merlin had ignored the mirror simply to jar them. Arthur was...Well, he thought back to Merlin's face with a grimace. He hadn't even _flinched_... Even if he knew what it did...

Maybe he was overthinking it. He glanced over to where the mirror was sitting innocently and flinched when he saw Morgana dead on the ground with Arthur standing above her. 

Definitely overthinking it.

* * *

Lancelot was worried.

Very. Worried.

He had no idea why Merlin hadn’t reacted to the mirror. Could sorcerers not be affected? The thought nagged at him, and the idea of Arthur coming across that information if it held true made him panic more. He had to warn his friend…

It was only when he reached Gaius’ chambers had he realized Arthur had already beaten him there. Quiet words were coming from the small room, and it took all of the knight’s concern for his friend to lean in and force himself to eavesdrop.

“Gaius,” Arthur’s voice spoke slowly and unsure. “I have a question about that mirror.”

“Have they not made room for it in the vaults yet, sire?” The old man spoke and from the crack in the door, Lancelot could see Arthur shaking his head.

“Soon. Gaius, what would it mean if you didn’t see anything in the mirror?” He asked and the knight held his breath as he waited for the response.

“To not see anything? I’m afraid that would be impossible, sire. Everyone is afraid of at least one thing whether they admit it or not. Fear is not subjective to certain people.” The physician answered and there was some clattering of glasses as Arthur remained quiet for a moment, looking lost in thought.

“Could anyone be an exception?” Arthur finally asked and Lancelot swallowed as he waited.

“I would think not – is there a reason you’re asking me this?” Gaius asked, but Arthur quickly shooed away his concerns, allowing Lancelot to walk towards the training grounds, finding himself even more puzzled than before. He stopped as he went to grab his sword, staring critically at where the mirror had been covered with a sheet. Glancing around, he walked over to pull the blanket off. He flinched when the reflection greeted him to Merlin being placed on a pyre.

"Why can Merlin not see his fear?" He murmured. It felt a little foolish - talking to a mirror. He wished he could argue he was talking to himself, but yeah. He was definitely talking to the mirror. He stepped away with a sigh but at that moment the image of Merlin burning disappeared. He froze. That had never happened before. Usually the visions played until they could no longer see the reflection. "Hello?" He asked hesitantly.

It was a little ridiculous considering, once again, it was a _mirror_...but the night made the room much more eerie. Lancelot shifted, feeling his skin prickle and he forced himself to take a step closer only to jump when he saw another figure join his refection.

"Oh my..._Merlin_." He laughed a little, placing a hand on his chest. "God, you scared me." He smiled a little. Merlin didn't smile back. "I need to talk to you about this mirror-" He began, turning to face his friend. Only Merlin wasn't there. Lancelot swallowed taking a slow breath. "Merlin?" He asked and closed his eyes. he regretted coming down here. Slowly, he forced himself to look back at the mirror.

This time...No one was there.

* * *

Something was wrong.

Merlin had known this for a few days now, but the weight of it was beginning to press on him as he entered the weaponry room, where the knights were currently changing into their armor. That damn mirror sitting innocently in on the wall farthest to his right.

Merlin wasn’t a fool. He had sensed magic in it within seconds of looking at it. He had been meaning to ask Gaius about it, but trying to catch up on his chores left him busy and exhausted for the past few days. It didn’t _seem_ dangerous. Still, a sense of uneasiness fell over him as he looked at it. Before he could ponder more on that, the king cleared his throat.

“Look who made it.” Arthur drawled as he looked up to see his servant tiredly enter the room. “Sleep in?” He asked with the usual amount of passive aggressiveness. Merlin resisted the urge to roll his eyes, content with simply sighing as he walked over to help the prat with his armor.

“I was out in the lower town helping Gwen.” He said as a way of explanation. Merlin knew the easiest way to get out of any trouble was to have his friend’s name brought into the picture. Gwen would back him up on anything and Arthur was smart enough to avoid any argument with her.

“Again?” The king said, looking a little offended “I’m beginning to wonder if you’re my servant or hers.” He grumbled petulantly and Merlin chuckled, reaching down to grab Arthur’s fallen arm piece.

“Definitely yours.” He reassured him “I just like her better.” He added and Arthur snorted, aiming a blow at his servant which Merlin easily dodged, sidestepping in front of the mirror. Laughing, he went to move back when he glanced at the mirror when he froze - a flash of color catching his attention. Suddenly, all the humor seemed to leave him.

“Merlin?” Lancelot spoke up first, noticing his friend stiffen suddenly. Arthur glanced up next, seeing the younger man’s eyes widened drastically and the confusion began to settle in. What...What the Hell was _that?_ For a moment, Merlin's mind went numb - only feeling his heart pounding against his chest. He heard his name a few times, but it didn’t quite pull him out of his daze as he stared blankly at the figure in front of him. Curiously, he reached out to touch the mirror.

"Who is that?" He asked, tilting his head a little. A sense of familiarity was overwhelming him but he couldn't place the face. His fingers were almost brushing at the glass - a strange chill radiating from it. "I need to let you out." He murmured with a nod. He needed to let him out. He needed to be out. He was trapped. Merlin had to let him out. He had to let him out. He needed to be out. He had to get out. He needed to -

“Merlin!” Arthur’s hand was suddenly on his arm, jolting him out whatever stupor he had been in. The servant felt his eyes tear away from the mirror, eyes fluttering to the king’s face who was eying him something akin to concern. For a second the breath left his lungs and when he went to look back, felt Arthur roughly yank at him to keep him facing forward.

“Sorry... I...” He found himself trying to smile slightly, shrugging out of his friend’s grip. “I must have...Zoned out.” He added and turned away, trying to ignore his reflection behind him. His skin prickled and he tightened his jacket, trying to ignore the chill. It was summer, he thought with a wave of annoyance. Why were there chills in the bloody midst of the summer?

"Merlin," Elyan frowned, "Did you see someone in that mirror?" He asked and Merlin blinked. He could have sworn he felt eyes digging into his back, but refused to turn around to be sure. Why didn't they seem surprised? Did they see it too? Before he could think of an answer, Arthur cut him off.

“We need to get that out of here.” He frowned, his eyes flickering from Merlin to the mirror.

“Yeah,” Gwaine agreed “Merlin, there is something we need to tell you about-”

“Merlin!” Gwen skidded in, effectively cutting the knight off “Do you mind helping me with Lady Penelope? She’s being impossible.” The maid scowled and Merlin grimaced. The last thing he wanted to do right now was deal with the snobby noble.

“Sure.” He deadpanned and Gwen shot him a teasing smile.

“Oh come on, we all know why she listens to you.” She chuckled and Merlin made a face, ignoring the knights collectively raising their eyebrows at him.

“You know Gwen, I’ve been doing a lot of favors for you lately.” He said, bumping her slightly as he reached over and grabbed his bag to deliver to Gaius later on. “Now that your brother is knighted I expect you use your newly found nobility to make my life _easier_.” 

“A _month_ off.”

“Done.” Merlin laughed as he followed her out of the room with a quick goodbye to the knights. Hopefully Arthur hadn’t needed him to train. He supposed a proper servant might ask that, but the king wasn’t stopping him as he skipped after Gwen. Before he could leave the room, a small shiver touched his spine. Almost instinctively, he turned back around so he could see a sliver of the mirror. A pair of golden eyes looked back at him. 

"Merlin." Leon prompted and he blinked again.

"That's...A very strange mirror." He decided and left the room.

* * *

They turned the mirror around after that. There was still no room for it in the vaults, and this was the second safest place for it. No one bothered to mention the incident with Merlin again, though the younger man stayed very far away from the enchanted object, shooting it wary glances occasionally. Although no one said a word, there were the unasked questions stuffing the air. Merlin saw...A _person?_ Though it couldn't be a person who caused him fear because he hadn't recognized him. There was also the fact that nobody had seemed as entranced as Merlin had - which was strange because he previously hadn't been affected by it.

And...Merlin wanted to let whoever it was _out?_

Arthur had tried to approached the subject once, but his servant had practically slammed the door shut in his face – quite literally actually. He had claimed to have forgotten Arthur’s lunch and closed the door right as he was getting the sentence out, not even acknowledging the plate of uneaten food that had been on the table the whole time.

It was only when Arthur went down for some late night training that he saw the mirror again. Arthur didn’t bother to turn it around. The king knew everything he could possibility see at this point.

Failure. Betrayal. Death.

Gwen, his knights, Merlin and his Kingdom completely slaughtered as the ghost of his father watched with a chilly look of accusation at him. Not saying a word, but then again not needing to as Morgana laughed and danced in the flames, her eyes flickering between their natural blue to gold and then red as blood.

As often as Arthur had tried to look into the mirror he rarely got anything as lighthearted as spiders or pears (yeah. Pears…He had been confused too. The guard hadn’t offered any of them an explanation for _that)._

Arthur spent a few hours practicing, working to perfect a new maneuver he had not quite mastered yet. Sleep was coming less and less easily these days. Merlin had mentioned the stress was getting to him – though Arthur hated to agree, he realized his servant was probably right. However, he wasn’t one to talk. If Arthur reflected any sort of distress, Merlin matched it.

He wondered idly what Merlin might have to worry so much over. He suspected his friend had more going on than he let on at times – either that or he got really worked up over folding socks. It was a mystery to him in any case. He just hoped whatever Merlin was worrying himself over so much was worth it...And appreciated how much he seemed to care. **  
**

Lost in thought, the hours slipped by quickly, allowing the king to finally feel some genuine fatigue after his sixtieth repetition. Satisfied, he made his way back, ignoring the chill of the night as he entered the doorway to the knight’s room, freezing when he saw two figures already there.

Merlin.

The mirror was turned around again, Merlin staring intently at it with an expression Arthur could only describe as anxious and resigned at the same time. Beside him, Lancelot leaned against a bench, watching with an incredible sadness as Merlin continued to gaze.

“Do you always see the same thing?” Lancelot finally asked and for a few moments it didn’t look as though he was going to get an answer. Arthur was almost content with it to be that way when Merlin started speaking.

“At first I really thought it was just me.” He said in a monotone voice. It was startling to hear him so hollow. “I thought I was maybe coming down with something. I looked paler… My eyes were darker… But in the other mirrors I was fine.” He sighed and shook his head. “Every day I got worse, but it was still me. Then… Then I realized that things began to change. My clothes were torn and I would look down and see that they were fine. Then my hands were covered in blood. And Arthur came beside me…” His voice trailed off for a second, but it came back quickly. “He came next to me and suddenly he was just dead on the ground next to me, and I was covered in his blood.” Merlin said quietly, letting his face fall from the mirror into his hands.

“You’re fear is loss-” Lancelot began, remarkably calm for someone who just heard the same words Arthur did.

“No. No it isn’t. I’m scared of losing all of you, yes. But even more is the fact I’m afraid you’re all _right_.” Merlin grimaced and Arthur felt a spur of anger boil inside of him. Who in their right mind would tell Merlin he would hurt anyone at all? And why the Hell would he _believe_ it?

“Right about what?” Lancelot asked gently and Merlin’s fingers curled into his hair.

“About me. That I’m evil. That I’m a monster.”

“That’s ridiculous. You would never hurt anyone unless you had to.” The knight objected immediately and Arthur resisted the urge to jump in and add that he didn’t think Merlin _could_ hurt another soul, but kept hidden.

“How do you know that?” Merlin responded, sounding stressed “Arthur and the others… They are good men. So if they say-”

“Just because they are good men does not mean every word out of their mouths is the text of good and evil, Merlin.” Lancelot told him harshly “And for the record, you and I both know for a fact they are wrong. You could never be a monster, Merlin – you could never be Morgana.”

“You didn’t know her before!” Merlin instantly objected “She was… She was the kindest person I knew. And then she started accidently using magic and I turned her away. I didn’t help her.” Merlin said miserably “And she got bitter and angry and it certainly didn’t help after I tried to kill her.” He muttered and Arthur froze. What?

“You didn’t have a choice. And didn’t you say you told Morgause how to heal her?”

“Yes.” Merlin mumbled “I still should have told her truth. I haven’t told anyone the truth.”

“When you’re ready you will.” Lancelot assured him “Just be patient and stop with these irrational fears. You are too good of a person who has been through too much pain to be evil, Merlin.” Clapping him on the shoulder, the knight helped him to his feet, gesturing for them to exit. Merlin didn't move.

"Lancelot..." He said quietly and took a long breath. "There is something else." He told him and swallowed. The knight turned back to him. "He talks to me."

"Who?"

"In the mirror. The version of myself I see...He talks to me." He whispered and closed his eyes. "He wants me to let him out. You don't...You don't think..." He trailed off and took a long breath, steadying himself. "You don't think that..._He_...or that thing is already inside of me, do you?" He asked, voice wavering slightly. Lancelot pursed his lips.

"Gaius said the mirror is as powerful as the person in front of it." He told him, putting a hand on either side of the servant. "So it makes sense it is affecting you more. Merlin, I'll tell you this over and over again. That is _not_ you. It could never _be_ you. There is nothing inside of you that could ever be like that." He promised. Merlin relaxed a little at that before glancing once more at the mirror.

"Thank you, Lancelot." He said quietly and closed his eyes. Lancelot smiled. From his hiding spot, Arthur didn’t dare to move. Partly because he didn’t want to be seen and partly because even when Merlin turned away from the mirror, his reflection was still there – looking directly at Arthur. The mirror smiled for a second with a look that was definitely out of place on his servant before his eyes flashed gold and disappeared.

It appeared the mirror worked for Merlin just fine after all.

* * *

Merlin was getting paranoid. And...A little worried. Very worried.

Extremely worried.

He wasn't sure who to tell exactly. Lancelot? Gaius? He wasn't sure why, but he felt a wave of objection at that. A whisper of disapproval that had him reeling as he sat down on Arthur's bed, staring at the mirror in front of him.

This couldn't be happening.

"How are you here?" He whispered, gripping at the sheets tightly on either side of him. This wasn't the enchanted mirror in front of him. No, it was the one that had always been in Arthur's room since the day he arrived in Camelot. Never before had it showed a single sign of enchantment or magic. Yet, here it was.

Sure, Merlin's reflection was staring back at him as it should be...Sort of. A bit. Only Merlin didn't quite look like Merlin. No, this was someone with longer hair, darker eyes, and a smile that he never thought he could picture on himself.

Also, blood. Lots of blood.

"What do you mean?" Merlin's voice answered back and he flinched away at it. "I've always been here."

"No." He said immediately and the smile grew ever so slightly. He didn't answer but then again...He didn't need to. Merlin could see the amusement playing in his eyes. Twisted and dark...Yet the same playful look Merlin always caught on his face whenever he saw his own reflection whether splashing in a lake or chasing after Arthur through the corridors. "You'll go away. The vaults are finished today and the mirror is the first thing going down there." He informed him, standing up. Arthur's sword crashed to the ground from his lap. Merlin stared. He hadn't remembered starting to polish it.

"Maybe..." The reflection murmured and reached forward as if trying to touch the barrier separating them. "Will you come back to let me out?" He asked, dragging his hand down. Blood smudged the glass and Merlin couldn't help but reached forward to try and wipe it away. When it stayed he tried in desperation to wipe more but it stuck on stubbornly. Merlin closed his eyes. No. No he wasn't doing this. He only needed to wait a few more hours. Just a few more hours.

With that amazing, wonderful, life-saving thought on his mind he spun back around only to run directly into Arthur who was entering his chambers.

"Sorry-" He started only for Arthur to make a noise of alarm, immediately grabbing his wrists to stop him from moving.

"What _happened?"_ He demanded, horrified. Merlin blinked. "Why haven't you wrapped this?" He asked and Merlin tilted his head only to look down to feel his heart stop. "We need to get you to Gaius." Arthur began, reaching for one of his tunics to tear at the cloth and wrap Merlin's bleeding hands. God, how had he not noticed that? There was so much blood. Not just on his hands but his sleeves and the ground and -

He spun back towards Arthur's mirror, eyes widening. Sure enough, where Merlin had been rubbing vigorously was now painted red with streaks desperately running through it, dripping on the ground.

"I...Must have cut myself on your sword." He whispered, eyes trailing to where Excalibur sat on the ground doused with red. Arthur followed his gaze. If he was disturbed by the mirror or the ground he didn't show it, instead refocusing on the cuts. Merlin's eyes lifted back to the mirror and through the film of red he could see himself staring back - a smile spreading over his face. Without thinking, Merlin touched his lips to make sure he wasn't grinning. Arthur yanked his hand back down - grabbing another rag to wipe the blood off his face.

"Merlin?" Arthur said and shook him a little. "Come on." He said and Merlin nodded slowly. Maybe this was just shock. Yes. An illusion that presented itself after cutting himself. That...That made sense, right? It made sense and -

"Don't forget to let me out..." His voice sang back to him. He went to turn back to the mirror but Arthur kept his hands on his shoulder, refusing to let him turn away. "You'll want to let me out soon." The voice told him. "Arthur knows."

"Knows?" Merlin repeated.

"What?" Arthur frowned at him. Silence followed. No. Arthur couldn't...He couldn't _know_. Merlin wouldn't be alive if he knew. No. Definitely not.

"Nothing." He smiled weakly and followed him to Gaius.

* * *

If Arthur thought his problems would end when the mirror went down into the vaults...He was wrong.

Sure, it would be nice to throw the thing down there and pretend Merlin wasn't a sorcerer and ignore that he was getting more and more out of it with each passing day. His servant had taken to not looking at mirrors at all. His eyes would always lower, breath catching, or hands faltering. There were occasions when it extended to things outside mirrors too. Arthur's armor, water, glass... It was enough that Arthur felt like he had to _tell_ somebody. Surely everybody else realized something was wrong?

He thought a hunting trip would help...Which just demonstrated how behind Arthur was at figuring out how to make people feel better. The logic had seemed sound. Merlin was upset by the castle so maybe taking him _out_ of the castle was the best solution. At any rate, it seemed to only make things worse.

"Lancelot," He whispered, grabbing his knight's arm. "What's happening to him?" He asked and even the king couldn't deny his voice wavered at the last note.

Merlin was currently knelt in front of a stag they had managed to kill, head tilted in mild interest at the animal's corpse, stroking his nose thoughtfully. It might not have been _that_ disturbing...Except for the fact it had been an hour of him doing this. Leon and the others had attempted to speak to him a few times but there was really no response.

"I...I don't know-" Lancelot began but Arthur shook his head.

"I know about the magic and the mirror." He interrupted and Lancelot choked. "I...It gave me much to think about but _this_..." He began and shook his head. "Has it done something to him? I don't understand." He continued, ignoring the shock. His knight seemed to push past his alarm to refocus on the more pressing problem at hand.

"I wish I knew, sire." Lancelot admitted "Gaius thinks the mirror's magic has latched onto him somehow." He whispered and before Arthur could respond, walked over to touch Merlin's shoulder. Arthur followed warily. "Merlin?" He asked and knelt down beside him. "Are you alright?"

"I...I didn't meant to kill it." Merlin mumbled. "It was an accident."

"You didn't." Arthur frowned and from his place near the fire, Gwaine perked up at Merlin's voice. "We killed it." He told him. Merlin tilted his head again, genuine confusion hinting a his features before looking down at the stag. Gwaine joined them, dropping in front of Merlin so that stag sat between them.

"You killed it?" He repeated and bit his lip "But you weren't supposed to do that." He said and ran a hand over his face. "No. No, I...You weren't supposed to do that." He said and took a few labored breaths. "Why did you do that?" He asked, voice rising a little. "You killed him!" He said, expression hardening. "You killed him like you do _everyone!"_ He hissed and Lancelot tensed before putting a hand on Arthur to push him back slightly. A ridiculous motion really. Merlin would never hurt him...Magic or not.

"Merlin." Gwaine said with a frown "Hey, calm down mate."

"No. No, _you_ killed it. I didn't do it! I didn't. I wouldn't!" Merlin said, jerking away from the touch. "I'm not the monster. I didn't do it. I'm not bad. I'm _not_ bad." He repeated and gripped at his hair. "_You_ did it-"

"Merlin. _Merlin_." Lancelot tried and tried to redirect his gaze from the stag. "Nobody thinks you killed anything, okay? You're good. Just breathe." He tried with desperation. Gwaine seemed to get the general gist regardless of the context because he dragged the stag away, looking at Arthur with concerned eyes. The king could only return them. He had no answers...Only shared worries. Swallowing, he looked at where Merlin's panic only seemed to rise and venomous eyes latched onto his.

"_You_ are the monster. Not. Me." He gritted out.

They needed to talk to Gaius.

* * *

"Merlin's magic has always overpowered any other magical thing in existence." Gaius was saying as he paced up and down the room. Merlin watched him warily from where he was sitting on the cot next the bookshelf. Lancelot and Arthur were frowning at the man, both silent as he lectured. "Merlin's magic once overpowered Cornelius Sigan's. It is hard to believe this magic could take him down." He continued, wringing his hands together. "The only explanation is the mirror turned his magic against him."

More silence. Merlin closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of potions and herbs. The world felt...Strange. Disjointed. He touched the blanket next to him in hopes to feeling the expected scratchiness or warmth but it never came. Only a bit of pressure to let him know he was touching anything at all.

"_Against_ him? What the Hell does that mean?" Arthur asked and Merlin tensed at his voice.

_It's his fault, _somebody whispered in his ear. _Think of all he's killed. Just like his father. All the slaughter. Blood. He's the monster. Not you. _

"Merlin...Well, he's certainly had his share of fears over the years but after Morgana he became particularly obsessed with turning out like her. It is one thing to deal with the fact your friends all think you're evil on principle but to see how Morgana changed _after_ learning of her magic...It hurt him." Gaius sighed, running a hand over his face. "Obviously, it wasn't the _magic_ that changed her heart but rather the fear and bitterness of being caught with it. Still, living in a place like Camelot with all the talk of the depravity of magic...It can mess with your head." Gaius sighed and wrung his hands together.

"And...the mirror?" Lancelot prompted. Gaius grimaced.

"It apparently honed in on the fear. Like I said...The mirror is as powerful as the person in front of it. It isn't just making him see his fear. It is making him _live_ it through his own magic."

No. No that wasn't true at all. Merlin sat up again.

"That's wrong." He blurted out. The three turned to him. "I'm not evil. I'm not." He shook his head. "Arthur is wrong. He killed innocent people, not me. I..." He started and trailed off. His mind flicked to people he _had_ killed. Edwin. Nimueh. Agravaine. Just to name a few. His skin prickled. He had killed those people _for_ Arthur. He had... No, no, no...No. That...Why would he do that? His hands carded itself into his hair. He had turned away Morgana. Why hadn't he helped her? Why hadn't he _joined_ her?

Maybe he was evil.

Except...No. No, that couldn't be right. Could it?

"How do we fix it?" Arthur's voice finally spoke. "There's a way to fix it, right? Like...A mirror that shows things you really like or something? Have we tried that?" He asked, voice rising more towards the end. Merlin blinked. The mirror. _Of course_. The mirror. He stood up, ignoring everyone jumping as he did so. Still, nobody stopped him as he left the room. Letting instinct guide him he kept going - moving down the stairs where only torches lit the way, ignoring guards calls for him to stop.

"Are you here to _finally_ let me out?" A voice asked and Merlin smiled. Thank God.

"I found you." He breathed out, pushing past the other jewels and relics hidden in the vaults to reveal the golden trimmed mirror. He looked into the mirror expecting to see the same worn, blood covered version of himself he always saw except... It was just him. Granted, the him in the mirror was moving and talking while Merlin himself wasn't but...They looked the _same_.

"I never left." He smiled and crossed his arms. "Aren't you tired of this game? Come on now. Let me out." He said and Merlin reached forward to touch the glass. "Arthur deserves it. You _know_ he does. Look what he did to Morgana." He clicked his tongue and for a moment Merlin blinked a few times. Had...Had Morgana been Arthur's fault? His memories faltered. No...No that wasn't right. Merlin had turned Morgana away. Morgana was his fault -

"No, no." His mirror self clicked his tongue. "Why did you turn her away? Because of Arthur, of course. That was _his_ fault. Not yours." He soothed and Merlin immediately relaxed. Right. Right, of course. "You're not like him. You wouldn't hurt anyone like he has." He said Merlin nodded. Right. Right...Right.

A hand touched his shoulder, but he ignored it.

"Why do you want me to let you out?" He asked and the hand on his shoulder tightened. He tried to shrug it off. There was a slight roll of his eyes in the mirror as he looked at him with exasperation. As if he should _know_. Part of Merlin...Thought...Maybe he _should_ but the words seemed forbidden to think - let alone say aloud. Voices buzzed behind him. He wondered if the others could see Merlin in the mirror. He supposed it didn't matter.

"We need to kill Arthur. This is his fault." The mirror told him slowly, as if speaking to a small child. Merlin blinked. No. That wasn't right either... Except. He tapped his fingers on his arm. Maybe...Maybe it was? Arthur's fault. Not his. Merlin wasn't evil. He...He didn't mean to kill anybody. He only killed because of _Arthur_. Arthur killed for other reasons. Bad reasons.

"I don't...I don't want to do that." He muttered and swallowed. Something sour seemed to sit in his mouth. "No. No, I don't want to do that."

"Yes, you do."

"No," Merlin frowned "No, I don't."

"Liar..."

"No!" Merlin snapped and paced. He didn't, right? He didn't. No. No, he didn't. He turned around and yanked the hand off of him, shoving hard. "I don't want to. I _don't_ want to do that." He said desperately.

"Except you do...You _really_, really do."

"Stop!" Merlin hissed. His mind felt so fuzzy. There was so much back and forth going on. He didn't understand. He didn't understand anything. He just wanted it all to stop. There was a soft laugh and someone repeating his name but - no. That didn't matter. It didn't. Except he wasn't sure what mattered. His bit at his thumb, ignoring the prick that spiked through him or the bead of blood running down. "No, you're wrong." He muttered.

"Just let me out."

Yes. He wanted to do that.

"No! I don't want to do that." He hissed.

"You do."

"I don't!"

"Do it!"

"No!"

"Then you are _just _as bad as he is." He whispered and Merlin spun back around. Without thinking he threw himself forward until there was a loud crash and suddenly he felt everything around him shattering. Pain jolted through him as he fell on the floor and there was a yell of alarm.

"Merlin, for the love of _God__!"_ Arthur's voice broke through and Merlin was assaulted with a fresh dose of reality slamming him in the face. He choked on air for a moment as the fuzziness receded from his mind so he could comprehend that he was in Arthur's arms - knuckles bleeding freely as they were surrounded by pieces of glass. Beside them, the mirror hung broken with only the gold trimming left intact.

"...Arthur?" He muttered and looked around. "How..?" He asked and shook his head. "My _head_." He whispered when a sharp pulse of pain hit him.

"Are you..? Hey. Look at me. Are you evil?" He asked and Merlin stared at him for a few seconds. His mind was swimming with...Memories? A weird dream? Had he somehow died and went to Hell? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that was a stupid question.

"Evil?" He asked and let his brows furrow together. "Arthur, I forgot your breakfast _once_. That doesn't classify me as evil." He frowned. From their other side, Lancelot gave a laugh of relief. "Oh, hey Lance. Why are we in the vaults?" He asked because he wasn't really sure at this point.

"It was so obvious. Just break the mirror." Lancelot sighed. "I feel like such an idiot."

"That's nice...Why did we need to break the mirror?" Merlin asked and poked at Arthur. "You can let go now." He added. Arthur didn't. He seemed too busy covering his face and breathing very slowly in what appeared to be an overwhelming amount of solace. Merlin shrugged. Whatever.

He stared back at the pieces of the mirror littered across the floor and wondered what on Earth it had done to warrant such reactions.

* * *

"...and so you essentially went crazy." Gaius finished, rather calmly for someone relaying such alarming information. Merlin stared, mouth opened. "But you appear to be all better!" He beamed. "Which is a relief because I would have never thought breaking the mirror would have led to a good solution." He chuckled. Merlin nodded for the sake of simply reacting. It was a lot to hear you apparently went around the bend for a few days because of a bloody mirror.

"Well..." He said, trying to find something to say. "I'm glad it worked out." He said and glanced over at the door. "And that Arthur and Lancelot finally left. Is it true Arthur knows about my magic?" He frowned because he felt like the king should have _a lot _more to say about that. Gaius only smiled and Merlin took that as his cue to just...Go to bed. His day - or days rather - had been filled with far too much adventure. Getting up, he chugged down the rest of his tea before walking into his room to collapse on his bed. Right. Number one worry right now should probably be Arthur knowing about his magic. Also, he should figure out if anyone was trying to kill the prat. It had been far to long since the last assassination attempt. Surely, another one was in their midst.

It was only as he was starting to fall asleep that he heard something move. His magic immediately rose - sensing another presence and Merlin jolted up. He looked around only to see the light outside his door had dimmed, suggesting Gaius had also gone to sleep. Maybe he had fallen? Just as Merlin decided to get up and check he felt something cool at the back of his neck. He froze. Was that... Someone breathing?

"Thank you for letting me out."

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you know...Merlin's good side is definitely stronger than his dark side so he probs won't murder Arthur but hey. It's left up to your interpretation so if you want him to then Arthur's totally dead. Bam. Gone. Mordred didn't even have a shot cause he's a little punk lol. 
> 
> I wrote Scratches forever ago as like...My second Merlin fic where everyone had their greatest fear engraved on their arms, but when writing that I also had something like this as an alternative in the back of my mind to play with the whole identity crisis I felt like Merlin should have gone more into. We always had the scenes of him worrying about turning evil but I feel like given what happened to Morgana he should have been more 'fuck man, she was the nicest person ever and what if they really are onto something with magic being evil'. Idk, that would have been a fun option bc you can play w/ him being in denial about his role in Morgana turning against Camelot and who is actually the villain and... I'm digressing again lol. 
> 
> Anyways. My other fic should be updated soon. I just have to remember where I left off b4 getting locked out of my account because YES I am the idiot who writes things solely in the ao3 browser instead of a word doc like the God damn fool I am. 
> 
> Thanks for dropping by!


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